She has two gifted children currently aged 22 and 24.
Kia ora to my friend Rebecca for these notes!
What is anxiety?
- a natural reaction to stress
- a survival instinct-elevates fight/flight/freeze responses
- is the opposite of the relaxation
It is not necessarily a bad thing but there is a continuum. It is necessary to get rid of the bad, overwhelming, parts. Well practiced relaxation helps alleviate stress.
What does it look like?
- Physiological: Heart racing. Stuck in negative thought cycles.
- Sociological: Fearful of what others think.
"Problem" Anxiety from the audiences perspective:
Some children can:
- constantly seek reassurance
- be angry but the cause can be anxiety about something that hasn't happened yet
- exhibit physical symptoms such as upset tummies and be reluctant to go to school
- be prevented from engaging in life such as sleeping, healthy eating etc.
- have so much going on in their lives that they don't know where to begin. It can be overwhelming for the person AND those around them
It is a major problem if it is evidencing in many locations resulting in a loss of hope.
Gifted Children
This presents a new layer of anxiety with over excitabilities and sensitivities. Add anxiety to imaginational, intellectual, sensory, physical and emotional intensities and the result is challenging.
They imagine the worst, pick up cues differently and ponder them.
In gifted children:
- The world is too big
- Developmentally they have early awareness which leads to vulnerability at an earlier age. They may become anxious about e.g. death. They have the capacity to understand but do not have the life experiences to cope. They cannot emotionally handle some conversations.
Helping to Manage
- Parents and teachers are "the boss" who set limits and help children be children
- They need to be valued but still know they are children
- They don't need to know everything straight away
- A safe and secure environment is essential
- "Hold on to your kids" attachment and limit setting i.e. discipline and attachment.
- A safe and secure environment is essential. Debbie felt there may be problems where the child has peers rather than parents as the attachment point
Teach Emotion Regulation
- Emotion coaching- help them learn which emotion is evident and which is an antidote to the emotional roller coasting. Use their smartness to help them control themselves. Name the emotion.
- Acknowledge the experience. Think about the emotion rather than becoming lost in it.
- Set limits and move on.
Teach Relaxation
- Breathing exercises e.g. Four Square Breathing ( In for 4, hold for 4, Out for 4, hold for 4)
- Practice it because it will lead to faster relaxation response during anxiety onset.
- Other suggestion: specific numbers of "see, hear, feel, smell" responses around them; use detailed visualisation e.g. waterfall scene.
- Do something physical like a walk or scootering.
Dealing with Thoughts
- Noticing negative thoughts or circular thoughts
- Evaluate 'does this thought love me?'
- Manage by thought stopping- think of something else and switching it.
- Add positive affirmations
- Have conversations such as "What are we trying to do? What is our goal? How do we help each other?
Managing Expectations
- Of Self
- Of Others
- What you believe others expect of you-which is the cause of much anxiety
Teach about OE's and Brain Development
- So they understand what is happening
- So they 'ride the wave' first and make decisions later
Seek counselling if necessary. Methodist Social Services can help with family counselling.
Remember to have self compassion and take time as an educator and parent for your own wellbeing too!
